Sunday, August 13, 2006
christmas is near. i have to write my letter to santa clause. here we go! <3
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Dear Obese Trespassing Altruist,
This year, I have been a very passive aggressive little TV watcher. I have compulsively murdered, and I have never helped my mommy’s “special friend” with their pyramid schemes. And I always say thank you, which makes me seem like I care, and so I deserve lots of blank checks this year!
Please bring all this stuff for me and the people in my life: For my mommy, please bring the onset of menopause. For my daddy, please bring a new topaz-studded ass plug. For my big sister, please bring methodone. For my hampster, please bring a homeopathic heartworm remedy. Oh – and for my mail man, please bring some worthless tchotchkes.
Now about me! Please bring me all of the Anna Nicole Smith pajamas, and front row tickets to Philip Glass – plus backstage passes so I can get coked up! Oh, and please don’t forget to bring my amputee Afghan orphan. But if you can’t, just remember that more than anything Santa, what I really really want is just $100,000,000!
Anyway, I hope you like the cognac I left out for you.
Breathlessly,
Neneborgs
PS: Please say hello to Ralph, the heartless Elfin slavemaster.
PPS: Oh yeah, and remember Mildred? She has been a really perverted vivisection hobbyist all year long and doesn’t deserve any Christmas presents. So please don’t forget to put dog shit in their stocking. Thanks!
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Make your own letter to santa clause here :)
im bleeding; but at least im alive (:
